We have today. . .

My sis called me this morning and told me that Steven Curtis Chapman's 5 year old daughter had been killed yesterday when her teenage brother accidentally hit her in the driveway. I started to cry instantly. I looked at Kelsey and couldn't imagine losing my 5 years old. I cried because I know the grief brought on by the death of a loved one. I ached for a teenage boy who will struggle to forgive himself for such a tragedy.

I have to be honest - I always struggle with fear when I hear stories like this. What does my future hold? What will I face in the years ahead? The battle to surrender my fear to God is daily - and sometimes it is moment by moment.

I've talked to a couple of my friends recently about a truth the Lord has been emblazing in my heart: we have to live one day at a time. There are so many times when I am consumed by my thoughts of tomorrow - both the good (my dreams and hopes) and the bad (my fears and worries). What will happen in the future? Will Craig arrive home safely from his business trip? Will my kids be safe today? I am learning that I have to release those thoughts and be fully present in each day. I have to be aware before the Lord - am I being who I'm supposed to be? Am I spending time with God? Am I giving myself completely to what the Lord has given into my care today?


Matthew 6:34 says, “So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today." There are a lot of things to worry about - I'm on overload from hearing about natural disasters killing hundreds of thousands of people in the world. Now a new report has come out that the "big one" - a huge earthquake, will hit Southern Claifornia in the next 30 years. Great - something to look forward to.

But these verses teach us that Jesus is very clear - we are not to worry about tomorrow. We are to focus our energy into today, what it holds, and how we follow God's lead through this present moment.

In reading The Shack (which I truly believe is a must-read), the main character, Mack, and Jesus have a conversation about this very topic.

Mack says, "For me, I spend a big piece in the past, but most of the rest of the time, I'm trying to figure out the future." [Jesus says] "Not unlike most people. When I dwell with you, I do so in the present - I live in the present. Not the past, though much can be remembered and learned by looking back, but only for a visit, not an extended stay. And for sure I do not dwell in the future you visualize or imagine. Mack, do you realize that your imagination of the future, which is almost always dictated by fear of some kind, rarely, if ever, pictures me there with you?

I could quote so much more of this section of the book, but here is the kicker of that section:
[Jesus says] "The person who lives by their fears will not find freedom in my love. I am not talking about rational fears about legitimate dangers, but imagined fears, and especially the projection of those into the future. To the degree that those have place in your life, you neither believe I am good, nor know deep in your heart that I love you. You sing about it, you talk about it, but you don't know it." (The Shack, pages 141-142).

Jesus loves me - do I really know? I am learning to walk more deeply in God's amazing, passionate, and all consuming love for me - and walk in the true knowledge of it every day. Because when I am present in each moment, looking to Jesus for love and direction, my every day looks very different.

I love you , Mom.

Today it has been 5 years since my Mom passed away. It seems like it was yesterday - it seems like it was forever ago. I miss her and think about her every day. I miss the million kisses she used to shower on my cheeks, even as an adult. I miss her wisdom when I'm facing a difficult time. I miss laughing together over memories. I miss her delighting in me as her daughter. I miss her being Grammie to my girls.

I was sitting at her grave today, and you know what the Lord reminded me? That Sherry Rostek is free - gloriously released from all the pain and sickness this earth held. My Mom had faced painful issues in her childhood, and always struggled, wanting her daddy's love. But she is now in the presence of the One who adores her more than anything. He is delighting in her and loves her completely. She is no longer a victim of cancer. She is a victorious warrior, alive and well in her heavenly home. I often wish her battle with cancer had turned out differently. But I would also never want to rob her of the immense freedom and joy she is experiencing now.

So I look toward today and tomorrow and am so thankful for the amazing Mom I had for 27 years. And I embrace God's mothering of me - where He intimately and lovingly cares for me - showering my cheeks with kisses, giving me wisdom in difficult times, laughing with me over memories, delighting in me as His daughter. My awesome Mom was only a reflection of our God's great love - and I'm thankful for that now more than ever!

Yea, Meagan!

There she is - my little Student Of The Month! Each month at school, the teachers choose a student who displays different characteristics. For April, the character trait was self control - and Meagan was chosen! Miss Flores, her teacher, said Meagan has grown so much in this area this year, and that she is a strong example of self control to her peers!

This recognition holds a special thrill for us, because self control has been a big topic of discussion in our house over the last few months. In fact, the Holy Spirit had specifically spoken to Craig that we needed to be dealing with self control in our girls. So how exciting to see Meagan grow in a specific area that the Lord directed us to!

But somehow the topic of self control has been on my heart, too. I came to a harsh realization - I expect way more discipline of my kids than I expect of myself. I'm not talking about big things, but small things like eating out too much, or not being diligent in my housework. After all, no one's looking over my shoulder anymore - oh yea, except my Heavenly Father. I forget that sometimes. Being an adult gives me the freedom to make the choices I want to make - right? Or could it be that I'm forgetting that I'm still a daughter, and I still need to walk in the discipline God expects of me?

So my daughter has been an awesome example of self control - and I'm inspired to follow her lead. "But the fruit of the Spirit is. . .self control" (Gal 5:22-23).